so, here i am — dreaming, hoping, loving deeply. but at nights, my heart becomes so full that it pounds against its own edges, threatening to break them. i did not know what was happening at first, but i do now. this is Grief. it was hiding all along, even when I remained so quiet. only now has it begun to turn metallic, noisy, sharp. being honest, i have grown tired; it feels as though i have never truly rested in years. strange, uncontrollable, even silly. yet i have grown so comfortable with this idea of feeling blue sometimes… i love this colour. yes, if i were a colour, i would be Blue — searching for it constantly in my texts and sounds; it has become part of my identity. and it is funny to think that those who have never met the real me see me as the most optimistic person ever. and i am! but not all the time. i am a real Person. i grieved for a long time, and only when i allowed myself to be fully me — as in Me— did i let it all out.
but here is the difference. now, i am simply trying to just let it all happen as it goes.
x.
